This is why I write.

So I had another post to go up today, something about running around to three different stores looking for pudding cups but that will wait.  I wanted to take a brief moment and touch on some things that have cropped up recently.

A few people have asked me, “Why do you write?  Why do you put yourself out there?”

And for me it’s simple.  I write so others can see what it’s like to live with a child who has Autism, what it’s like to have Autism.  Most people don’t know.  They’d like to know what a meltdown is and how it starts but they don’t have the slightest clue on how to ask or if it’s even OK to ask.  It is, just maybe not in the middle of a meltdown, mkay?

See, when we started out ages ago, Autism was pretty much unknown.  I had to tell my own pediatrician what it was.  Not that I’m ancient and should be fossilized but when we started out, I didn’t have anyone to turn to, no one to ask for advice or compare notes.

I didn’t know.  I didn’t know where to turn and I didn’t know who to turn to.

I write about our lives because I don’t want others to go through the isolation I felt.

I don’t want anyone else to travel the diagnosis alone.

That is why I write.

Read it again if you have to.

Here, look at a pretty picture.

I write about the funny parts of our lives because that’s what brings me to life, I have to.  If I didn’t look at life with a sarcastic, sometimes sick sense of humor, I’d have been stone cold crazy by now.

I write so other people can see that Autism isn’t a death sentence, it’s not a curse and it’s not something we want to cure.  It’s a part of who we are.  And sometimes as parents, that very fact takes some time accepting.  I get that, I understand it.

I write because it’s OK to hide in the bathroom every once in a while, curled up in the fetal position, rocking.

I’ve been there.

It’s OK to snap and chug an entire pint of Ben and Jerry’s at noon because that’s what it took to get through the day.  It’s OK to cry an ugly cry in the car because your kid didn’t get invited to a party, again.

I’ve been there too.

And it’s OK to want to run away with every fiber of your being because deep down?  Deep down, you know you’ll come back.

It’s OK to do all of that.   I’ve been there.  I’m still there.

I write because there are amazing and beautiful parts to Autism.  The little things in life are not so little for me, they are the things others may take for granted.

I write because the first time I heard, “I love you,” my knees buckled and I crumpled to the floor.  The first time he looked at me for the sheer sake of seeing me, I cried.  The first time he spoke to me, really spoke to me, I still remember it like it was yesterday.

I write because all of those firsts I celebrated because they held meaning, they were important.  And if you don’t know a thing about Autism, you won’t understand how important those little things are — and that’s OK.  I write to help others understand why we hold on to those things, help explain why they are so very important.

I write because I know.

I know what it’s like to be alone and how important it is to have someone, anyone, who understands.  Because having one other person who gets it, really gets it?  That can be a life line, a single thread that keeps you tethered to reality and keeps your sanity intact.

Because I’ve been there too.

And for all of those reasons, that is why I write.

 

Thank you to everyone who supported me over at Mamapedia, your kind words meant the world to me.  You guys get me, understand me and laugh with me.  For that I have no words other than thank you.